What I wouldn't give
by t3h bl00
Summary: In the aftermath of the blood spread, all that is left is just a mere memory. There is just a mere broken heart, calling out for its painkiller.


**What I wouldn't give…**

**O…O**

**+t3h bl00+**

**Title:** What I wouldn't give…  
**Began:** May 14th 2005  
**Characters:** All main and frequent characters on the show.  
**Couplings:** **Riza Hawkeye x Roy Mustang**  
**Rating:** PG-13/R + **T or M**  
**Estimated Finish Date:** It's a one-shot, so there is not a finish date.  
**Author:** t3h bl00  
**Summary:** **Full **in the aftermath of the blood spread, all that is left is just a mere memory. There is just a mere broken heart, calling out for its painkiller. Riza x Roy

Hey all, t3h bl00 here, this is my latest creation. I am a huge fan of the Riza x Roy couple, but as you know, there aren't that many out there, or all of them are about the same thing.

So I thought I'd try something different.

Enjoy.

**+t3h bl00**

"**_Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace and those who could make a good peace would never have won the war._****_"_**

**_-_Winston Churchill**

**T**he rain hit the windows of the car like a flood of needles. As annoying as the sound was, it was the only shred of comfort in this time. The streets were beginning to flood, but soon enough the vents would slurp up the water into the sewer.

If this had been a good 3 months ago, if someone had said the streets were flooded, Riza Hawkeye would have replied,

"Flooded with nothing beautiful like water, not caused by anything beautiful and comforting as rain, they are flooded with the blood of innocent people."

Picture perfect memories were stacked into Photo books in Lieutenant Hawkeye's mind, and they were impossible to burn or tear up, if she had tried to tear them up, they'd tape themselves back together.

She didn't want to forget them anyway. They all had Colonel Mustang in them, in his final days. Him straightening his cap, smoothing his gloves and stretching them to fit his liking, merely by grabbing a rush of misty air, was his hand really just grabbing air? Or was it trying to grab a rope, to try and hoist him to safety. Was his hand trying to grab the last flutter of hope this dirty city had left to offer? Was he really just trying to tell them, that even though they couldn't see it, this city, this town, this world, were burning, and soon enough we'd realize it would just turn into ashes? All that they really were, all that this city was going to become, was just dust in the wind.

Just dust in the wind.

All they were, that entire city was just mere dust in the wind.

Tears stung behind her irises, they pounded at the surface of her skin just like the needles of rain, falling to their own demise like the brave bodies that defended, who honored their families, their country, state, province, world, by dieing.

Recalling a quote she'd once heard, she mouthed it silently.

**'**_**The** **object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.'**_

She had seen him fall down, she had seen the seeping wound emerge on his coat, and she had seen him limp off into the forest, probably to be eaten by wild beasts, just to die, just to die because he was the most stupid, stubborn colonel the military had seen.

Sure, she called his name. Sure, she had to be held back by arms of her fellow comrades as she watched the man she hated and loved fall to his knees and flee into the woods.

"Roy you bastard, you incompetent fool, you just had to die! You just had to leave me, to leave the military and all your friends and people who respected you…how could you…" she mumbled out loud, hoping the rain would cover her voice.

That was when the tears she hadn't shown, that's when the tears that stung her eyes like a prick on a rose, began to make their way out.

"Riza…?" She felt a metal hand on her shoulder.

"You alright…?" Another hand on her arm.

The voices pierced through her thoughts and immediately the tears were scared off. She stared into the eyes, well the one set of eyes of the Elric Brothers, and nodded.

She wasn't weak; Roy would want her to be strong…right? He did want the best for everyone…

The car halted, and the rain started letting up, revealing a shady cloak of mist hanging deep in the air, as, unaware to the mourners, the sun drifted off, and bringing nighttime.

She wanted to refuse this offer. She wanted to just go back into her own bed, in her new apartment, or into her office and lock the door, pull down the blinds, slide across the curtains and cry pitifully about a person who never would come back.

But, she came. She came, for Roy and Roy only. Ed and Al couldn't bribe her, couldn't console her, the mechanic Rockbell girl's attempts had failed, and Havoc, who was just released from the hospital the day when Roy, along with another 240 members of the military had been announced dead, well, for that month at least, but all in all, his attempts were all in vain.

The only person, who would ever bring a true, genuine smile back to the face of Riza Hawkeye, would be Colonel Roy Mustang.

Him, and his onyx hair, which carefully shrouded across his brow, him snapping his fingers, and like the striking of a match, a bright flame would emerge, only, unlike a fire incinerating a match, it would just burn atop his finger tips.

What she wouldn't give to see him again.

She knew what was on top of his fingers. Repeated scars, and every night near 11, she would walk by his office, see him chuckling sadly to himself as he glided his thumb over his index finger's scars, then pressing the flesh down onto the other flesh, letting his pink skin on the tip pale to a light yellow.

It was like her nightly stop, catching a glimpse at him, not talking to anyone, not conversing with the Elric brothers, or arguing about something minor or complex.

It was that one time, when she could see him, out of character, out of body and out of mind.

Another thing she enjoyed was when he was alone with her, and they'd talk, and they'd share the feelings of the prior day.

It was one of those meaningless moments when really, they made such an impact on her life, she'd always treasure them.

One thing she remembers was a week before the first bomb was set off, and she found herself and Roy, alone, in his office. Most had already gone to do whatever they did at 1 am in the morning, and they were left.

* * *

_**Flashback…**_

He looked different and calmer than usual, which was surprising. Lifting himself up from his chair, he took a seat on her on the rather unusual couch that had been dumped into his office, only temporarily though, except that they had told him that a few months ago.

Reclining, he yawned drowsily and cocked his head, laying it on her shoulder.

"Another day…gone…wasted…in this little office…" his smirk showed that he really enjoyed it all the same, but really wished for more.

"Sir, you know you like it…"

"Sure…I guess…" He undid his jacket, revealing the dirty white undershirt, and slinging it onto the small rosewood table, along with his feet, crossed over and against the smooth surface.

She tried to hide a smile, but she couldn't help but let it crack through her calm mask.

"At least it's seemingly…quieter…around here at this time…it actually allows you to think…" She felt his arm perched a few centimeters from the back of her head.

His fingers numbly picked up a few shards of hair and began twisting them gingerly, or running his scarred tip across the ends.

"Sir…" She began as he turned to face her, and cut her off.

"Why do you always have your hair up in that damn style? I've seen it out, like once of twice, but I seem to like it much better that way…when it's up, it doesn't compliment your face…at all…"

She sighed, restraining a twitch, "Sir…"

"I'm serious lieutenant." And within that one sentence, she found her hair rushing down, beyond her shoulders, straight and sleek, the bright color of strawberry blonde.

"There. Better." His arm worked so that it was under her sheet of hair, and against the collar of her uniform.

She blushed slightly, but nonetheless, kept her reclined posture and closed her eyes.

"Lieutenant…Riza…what are you thinking about right now?" he asked, rubbing against a bit of stubble on his chin, staring out at the night sky, the stars gleaming.

"Stuff…such as…will we ever see a calm night like this again? For all we know, it could be destroyed any day now…"

"Exactly what I was thinking…"

"I'm sure, Sir."

"I am, lieutenant…" Roughly grabbing her chin with his free hand, he overlapped her lips with his.

"Mmph! SIR!" She pulled away, pushing at his chest and turning her head away, "What the hell are you doing?" Really, a voice in the back of her mind screamed, '_You Idiot! That was the one thing you'd always dreamed of, and you push it away!_'

She cringed at the voice's words, listening to Roy speak, "Riza…there will never be a better moment than this…besides…it's not like anyone will see us…" again, he latched his lips onto hers and maneuvered their bodies, both equally thick with clothes, so that he was over her, and her hair was falling, lock by lock off of the edge of the couch.

Breaking the kiss, Riza stared up at him…

"Sir…"

"Shh…damnit Riza, call me Roy…"

Taken aback slightly she smiled and nodded, allowing him to kiss her again, his tongue demanding entrance to her mouth, like knights trying to tear down the walls to a castle.

Roughly pushing her head, causing her lips to squash into his, as his tongue lapped against hers, and wouldn't allow her to break apart, even for a breath, he then began undoing her uniform's collar, carelessly flinging it against his own, and feeling her breasts beneath her thick white tank top press against his chest.

His lips strayed, and they both found the colonel sucking at her neck, cupping her buttocks and pushing herself against him.

"Riza…you do not know…what I felt when I had first met you…"

"Sir--Roy…no talking…" She groaned and grabbed the back of his head, tilting his lips back up to hers, as she returned the feverish kiss he had once bestowed on her own lips.

Her hands went underneath his undershirt, and slowly, she started to creep it up his abdominals, then to his chest, until it was tucked under his chin.

Gliding her palms down his chest, and then raking them against his smooth stomach, feeling him nip at her lip every time she did so, she found herself flinging his undershirt against their forgotten uniform tops.

He was around his early thirties, and still he had managed to keep such a well built body. She knew what he did, she had seen him working out and lifting dumbbells…

Pressing his stomach against her own, their abs clashing and their lungs contracting, both of them moaned directly into each others mouths, and that caused more arousal than what was needed.

"Sir…" She ripped her lips away from his, panting, just as he was, "Roy…what would we do…if someone walked in…"

"Well…as long as no one walks in…we don't have to worry, now do we _lieutenant_…?"

"Whatever you say, _colonel_…" With that, she felt his nuzzling into her cleavage, that had always been bound so tight, so that now, her breasts were free to the open air, they were now so soft and smooth, and the creamy color of a light orange sand…

With that, they both drifted off to sleep…

* * *

_**End of Flashback…**_

She would give anything, an arm or a leg, to go back in time, to feel his heat radiating onto her, and keeping her warm for the rest of that night.

Too bad he was dead.

She fell to her knees in front of his plaque, the one against the rest of the soldiers of the military that had passed on.

"Roy…Roy…" She banged her arms against the mud, dragging it up her thighs and chest, sobbing into the dirt and not caring if she hit a rock.

"…Riza…" That was when she heard it. His voice…and as if she had planned it so well, as if the fates had planned it so well, she turned and saw him. She turned and saw the man that was dead.

She looked up to him, her face smudged and her hair in messy ruins,

"Colonel…where…how…you're dead, you're not allowed to be here, does the captain know that you are alive! This is stupid!" She banged against his chest as he took her into his arms.

"I'm not dead…and I'm not alive…I'm almost dead…and almost alive…and…they are aware that I am…"

"So why…WHY! HOW!" She demanded, looking at him in the eyes, not blinking or looking away.

"Don't worry about that…" he replied, and she quieted.

Really, the military knew Mustang was alive. They knew it, but it seemed impossible, it seemed like if they tried to search for him, it would be in vain. So they proclaimed him dead…

But the military…is just a bunch of fools…

**+ACH!**

I know, so OOC…forgive me…XD

I hope you RxR fans at least liked it, a bit…heh…yeah…just a random idea…yay!

Well, read and review, **OR ELSE YOU DIE!**

Ha.

**Lots of love.**

**+t3h bl00**


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